Louder Than Words by Laura Jarratt

Author:Laura Jarratt [Jarratt, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi, epub
Tags: Juvenile Fiction, Friendship, Social Issues, General
ISBN: 9781780314273
Google: T4KnAwAAQBAJ
Amazon: B00JWMZLP6
Publisher: Egmont UK
Published: 2014-06-04T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 29

I’d thought that I was feeling calmer about the whole speech therapist thing – until I was actually in the waiting room for my second appointment. She had given me a false sense of confidence last time for a little while, but of course I was still myself and the feeling of choking that I was so used to began to grow again in my throat as I waited. What if she tried to get me to speak today?

Silas was staring blankly at the wall in front, his phone in his hand. Obviously waiting for a message of some sort. He carried on staring at the wall and trying to pretend he wasn’t checking his phone messages every few minutes until we were called through by Andrea.

‘So how has it been since last time? Any thoughts you want to share?’ She had the paper and pen at the ready for me this time.

I shook my head immediately, a reflex action. The relative easiness of our last session had disappeared and we were back to square one, except this time for some reason I felt even less like sharing. I shut down, like a hedgehog curling into a protective ball.

Nothing.

I had nothing to give.

‘Did you manage to come up with more positive ideas about what you can do once you start to talk again?’

There was no ‘if’ with Andrea. Last time I’d liked that. Today it felt like immeasurable pressure.

Still, I had to give her a crumb.

‘Baby steps,’ Silas urged, seeing my face.

Will be able to get a job, I wrote.

‘Do you know what job you’d like to do when you’re older?’ Andrea asked.

Shake of the head. Not ready to share that. She might ask to see something I’d written and there was no way I could show her. Probably not ever.

I saw Silas cast me a sidelong glance, but he stayed silent. He knew about my writing, but as I wouldn’t even show him he’d know I couldn’t share it with Andrea.

‘Thinking about some possibilities might be a good way forward then,’ Andrea said.

I shook my head again.

She paused and examined my face, trying to read something there.

‘OK, let’s go back to the beginning and look at how this started for you again,’ she said after a moment. ‘I’d like you to tell me if there were times after you stopped talking when you wanted to try to speak and you couldn’t.’

Nod.

‘How exactly did that feel?’

I thought about it. Could I answer this? My pulse went up a bit, but nothing too bad. No, I didn’t feel threatened by this question. She probably knew how it felt if she’d been mute too.

I wrote: Tight in my throat and sick in my tummy.

‘And did you ever get pains in your tummy when you thought you might have to speak?’

Nod. Used to.

‘But not now? What does it feel like now if you want to try to speak?’

Choking. Feel faint if it gets really bad.

‘She stopped breathing once,’ Silas said. ‘It was at school when a new teacher tried to make her speak.

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